I’ve been married for ten years and I love my wife. Hell, I’m still really attracted to her too. How many guys can say that at 43 without lying? Probably not too many. Or maybe a lot of guys can. I don’t know. Most of my friends are divorced or have never been married, or their wives have let themselves go. The point is I still like to look at other women. Just look, though. I’ve never cheated, nor would I ever cheat on my wife. You might say infidelity starts with just a look, but I’ve been doing this throughout my marriage and I’ve done it with ex-girlfriends, and it’s never accelerated beyond just wistful glances. The problem is I look too long. I don’t just take the mental picture of the object of my desire, I wind up staring, like I’m shaking a Polaroid, waiting for it to develop.
No women have ever called security, no boyfriends or husbands have ever threatened to hurt me. I guess I’m more discreet than I realize – except when my wife is around. She always notices me looking. I can’t explain to her that I’m just downloading data onto the old jerk drive, or making a deposit into the spank bank, or any other such euphemism for trying to mentally capture what a woman looks like, so you can masturbate to her later. She doesn’t understand that this is just what guys do – at least the guys I know who are honest. And maybe that makes us pigs or childish, but I don’t believe that makes us bad people, who need to be read the riot act everytime we get caught doing it
Larry suggested something called the 3 Second Rule. He said if you look for three seconds, you have enough time to snap a good mental image for later use without getting caught. He says it works like a charm. Of course, he’s divorced and his wife took all his money, his house and the patients they shared in their psychology practice, so what the hell does he know?
Anyone out there reading this have any suggestions? I really am too old for this shit.