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Here’s a scene from the pilot episode we’re trying to raise money for.

This takes place during warm-ups of the season opener against the “Cava-Lawyers” – a team of Wall Street lawyers who knocked the “Double Pumpers” out of the playoffs the previous season under suspicious circumstances. That afternoon, prior to the game, Artie has a nap on his wife’s newly delivered sofa, during which he has a dream he hasn’t had in many years.

Any resemblance to Ibsen or Chekhov is purely an hallucination.


IRA: Shmegs, no chucking threes every time you touch the ball like last season.

SHMEGS: If I’m feeling it, I gotta let it fly.

LARRY (to Artie): Sounds like you.

ARTIE: I don’t chuck.

LARRY: I was referring to your wet dreams.

ARTIE: What happened to doctor patient privilege?

SHMEGS: (pats Larry on back) You have an actual patient now? Congrats!

(then to Artie) I haven’t had a snoregasm in like decades. You sure you didn’t just piss the bed? We’re getting to that age.

ARTIE: It was a wet dream. Tell ’em, Larry.

LARRY: I wouldn’t be so proud.

NAOKI: In certain aboriginal cultures, wet dreams are considered a sign of enlightenment. Only the tribe’s wise men have them. People train for years to be able to achieve such spiritual heights.

ARTIE: Really?

NAOKI: I saw it on Nat Geo. … Wait, no. They were talking about lucid dreams.

SHMEGS (to Ira): What’s with the tiny beanie?

IRA: I wore this when we beat Mount St. Vincent in the conference tournament my senior year in college. My wife knitted it for me. Maybe it’ll bring us some good luck.

Shmegs lifts his shirt to reveal a man girdle around his mid-section.

SHMEGS: This is as close as I get to feeling like I’m still in college … twenty years and forty pounds ago.

IRA: We’re playing ball, so at least we’re all still healthy.

SHMEGS (motioning to Artie): Well, at least most of us are.

ARTIE: What? I’m in perfect health.

SHMEGS: Except for the incontinence.

ARTIE: It’s perfectly normal for a man my age to have a wet dream.

NAOKI: I don’t know, man. I’d Google that.

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